Scripts for you!
by I'm Flying Like An Owl
Summary: Your favorite Characters are getting together to read some scripts. third Chapter: Max and Total: BRONIES... Disclaimer: I don;t own anything! R&R  Thanks!  MErpie
1. Sorry Dude I'm Tring to go Vegan

**Disclaimer: I don't own Maximum Ride or anything like that...or Sorry Dude I'm Trying to go Vegan so I'm Gonna Have to Eat You.**

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><p>Hi! This is Angel! Me and Fang are going to read you a script called Sorry Dude I'm Trying to go Vegan so I'm Gonna Have to eat You.<p>

Angel is BOB and Fang is RALPH

BOB: Hey, Ralph. (Angel)

RALPH: Hey, Bob. (Fang)

BOB: How's it going?(Angel)

RALPH: Eh.(Fang)

BOB: Just "eh"?(Angel)

RALPH: Yeah. Just "eh".(Fang)

BOB: Why just "eh" and not "good"?(Angel)

RALPH: I went to the pet store today.(Fang)

BOB: And that was bad?(Angel)

RALPH: They had bunnies.(Fang)

BOB: Bunnies are cute.(Angel)

RALPH: The bunnies at the pet store are very cute.

BOB: And looking at the cute bunnies somehow had a negative impact on the quality of your day?(Angel)

RALPH: Very negative.

BOB: Why?(Angel)

RALPH: I ate bunny once.

BOB: Really?(Angel)

RALPH: I mean, not out in the woods and stuff. It was in a restaurant. They had bunny on the menu. Except  
>they called it "rabbit."<p>

BOB: Ralph, it's not exactly secret knowledge that bunnies and rabbits are the same thing.(Angel)

RALPH: No, I knew. It's just... if the menu had said "bunny" instead of "rabbit" I probably wouldn't have  
>ordered it.<p>

BOB: Because "bunny" is a cuter sounding word?(Angel)

RALPH: Right.

BOB: Bummer.(Angel)

RALPH: And I was looking at these cute little bunnies in the pet store, and thinking about how I'd eaten one,  
>and it made me feel awful.<p>

BOB: I'm sorry.(Angel)

RALPH: And then I was thinking about all the other animals I'd ever eaten, and how deep down inside, they  
>probably weren't that different from the bunnies.<p>

BOB: I dunno... we've only dissected frogs in biology class, so I couldn't tell you.(Angel)

RALPH: I've done terrible things, Bob. I've eaten hamburgers covered in bacon. I've eaten bacon on hot  
>dogs. I've eaten hot dogs covered in beef gravy and sausage with pepperoni and fish sticks(Fang)<p>

BOB: You fit all that onto one hot dog?(Angel)

RALPH: It was a foot-long. And do you know the worst part?(Fang)

BOB: You got heartburn?(Angel)

RALPH: I loved it. I loved it all. And I still crave it. Right this moment. Right now, as I'm standing here talking  
>to you, my heart is lusting after a roast beef sandwich with a side of chicken tenders.(Fang)<p>

BOB: Are you saying you want to become a vegetarian?(Angel)

RALPH: No. I have too much to atone for. Too much innocent animal blood on my hands. I have to go  
>further than vegetarianism.(Fang)<p>

BOB: You mean...(Angel)

RALPH: That's right. I have to go vegan.(Fang)

BOB: That seems kind of extreme.(Angel)

RALPH: No more extreme than a lifetime stained with the guts and entrails of feisty furry friends.(Fang)

BOB: Ralph, veganism is hard. How are you going to stick with it if you're craving meat every waking moment  
>for the rest of your life?(Angel)<p>

RALPH: I have to do something to cure myself of the urge to eat meat.(Fang)

BOB: Hypnosis?(Angel)

RALPH: I'm a carnivore, Bob, not a smoker. I need to do something so carnivorous that I'm satiated yet so  
>repulsed that I can never be carnivorous again.(Fang)<p>

BOB: You're already repulsed by the bunny thing, and you once ate a hot dog covered in beef gravy and  
>sausage with pepperoni and fish sticks, yet you still crave meat. I don't think gorging yourself on a whole<br>herd of cattle is going to do the trick.(Angel)

RALPH: I'm not thinking about cows.(Fang)

BOB: Pigs?(Angel)

RALPH: No.(Fang)

BOB: Deer?(Angel)

RALPH: No.(Fang)

BOB: Rhinoceros?(Angel)

RALPH: I need to go cannibal for a day if I'm going to kick this thing.(Fang)

BOB: Cannibal?(Angel)

RALPH: There's no other way.(Fang)

BOB: That's gross. And kind of disturbing.(Angel)

RALPH: That's the idea.(Fang)

BOB: Who were you going to eat?(Angel)

RALPH: You've been a good friend, Bob. I'm sure you'll make a good meal.(Fang)

BOB: What?(Angel)

RALPH: There's no one I'd rather have sloshing through my intestines than you.(Fang)

BOB: People don't eat their friends! Pick someone else! You've got a whole school full of people to choose  
>from!(Angel)<p>

RALPH: The cheerleaders are too skinny to be satisfying. The jocks would put up too much of a fight. The  
>teachers are old and leathery and would probably be too hard to chew. The drama kids are too weird, and that goes double for the math team. The goths are just... no. So that leaves you.(Fang)<p>

BOB: Ralph, you've put way too much thought into this.(Angel)

RALPH: Plus, you're too small to put up much of a fight, and your legs are too short to run away.(Fang)

BOB: You've put way, way too much thought into this.(Angel)

RALPH: I'm thinking about majoring in philosophy when I get to college.(Fang)

BOB: And that'll make you... what? "Ralph, the Cannibal Philosopher"?(Angel)

RALPH: "Ralph, the Vegan Cannibal Philosopher."(Fang)

BOB: You're talking about killing me!(Angel)

RALPH: And it makes me really sad. Which is, y'know, part of the idea. To traumatize myself so deeply that  
>I'll never be able to eat meat again.(Fang)<p>

BOB: I think it'll traumatize me more deeply than it does you.(Angel)

RALPH: Sorry about that.(Fang)

BOB: It's illegal! You'll go to jail!(Angel)

RALPH: Not if I eat all the evidence.(Fang)

BOB: You can't eat my bones!(Angel)

RALPH: You're not that big. I think I can manage.(Fang)

BOB: Are you going to at least knock me out with a frying pan, or give me some Novocaine for the pain or  
>something?(Angel)<p>

RALPH: Your dying screams will add to the trauma for me.(Fang)

BOB: Ralph, this is seriously messed up!(Angel)

RALPH: (with a Scottish accent) Get in my belly!(Fang)

BOB: No! You do not get to go quoting Austin Powers to me!(Angel)

RALPH: What am I supposed to say? "Use the force, Bob"?(Fang)

BOB: If I could use the force, the last thing I'd do is let you eat me!(Angel)

RALPH: Guess it's a good thing you're not a Jedi, huh?(Fang)

BOB: I'd go Dark Side all over your sorry behind!(Angel)

RALPH: Don't let anger and hatred consume you.(Fang)

BOB: You're talking about eating me. What do you expect?(Angel)

RALPH: It's not like I'm doing this in a mean-spirited kind of way.(Fang)

BOB: I'm thinking that the act here counts for more than the intention behind it!(Angel)

RALPH: You make it sound so ugly.(Fang)

BOB: It is ugly! It's very ugly. It's like a troll! With hemorrhoids! On its face!(Angel)

RALPH: That's gross, man. Look, if you're going to be like that, then we might as well just get it over with.  
>Come here.(Fang)<p>

BOB: No.(Angel)

RALPH: Please?(Fang)

BOB: No!(Angel)

RALPH: All right, fine. We'll do it the hard way.(Fang)

BOB: You can't seriously expect me to give up without a fight.(Angel)

RALPH: I was kind of hoping.(Fang)

(RALPH starts throwing punches at BOB, which BOB dodges.)

BOB: What is this, a boxing match now?(Angel)

RALPH: You're forcing me to beat you into submission so I can eat you!(Fang)

BOB: Here's a news flash! You're not beating on me if you can't land a punch!(Angel)

(RALPH lands a punch.)

Ow! (Angel)

RALPH: There. I landed one.(Fang)

(RALPH grabs BOB. BOB starts thrashing, kicking, and screaming.)

BOB: Leggo! Leggo! You're insane!(Angel)

RALPH: Will you stop kicking? That hurts!(Fang)

BOB: Good!(Angel)

RALPH: I guess it's too much to ask you to take off your sweatshirt so I don't have to eat it, too?(Fang)

BOB: It's entirely too much to ask!(Angel)

RALPH: Fine, be that way.(Fang)

(RALPH bites into BOB's shoulder.)  
>BOB: OWWW! You're biting my freaking shoulder!(Angel)<p>

RALPH: That's the idea!(Fang)

BOB: Did you break the skin? Am I bleeding?(Angel)

RALPH: Not yet. You probably would be if it weren't for your dumb sweatshirt. Hey, wait a minute.(Fang)

BOB: What?(Angel)

RALPH: Before we get all the way to the bleeding part, do you have any kind of communicable diseases I should know about?(Fang)

BOB: No, I don't have any—yes! Yes! I am a walking Petri dish of blood borne pathogens!(Angel)

RALPH: You're lying.(Fang)

BOB: No, I'm not lying.(Angel)

RALPH: What have you got, then?(Fang)

BOB: Uh… cooties!(Angel)

RALPH: Cooties?(Fang)

BOB: Yes, cooties!(Angel)

RALPH: That's lame, man.(Fang)

BOB: Just because it's lame doesn't mean that I don't have it.(Angel)

RALPH: Even if you do, it would just add to my misery, which is kind of the point, so I guess it's cool.(Fang)  
>(RALPH bites into BOB's shoulder again.)<p>

BOB: OWWW!(Angel)

RALPH: I'm still not breaking skin. Boy, this is hard.(Fang)

BOB: What did you expect?(Angel)

RALPH: I expected to be able to at least break the skin.(Fang)

BOB: You have sissy teeth! You're not cut out for this! Give it up!(Angel)

RALPH: But if I give it up, I'm going to go back to eating animals.(Fang)

BOB: Better them than me!(Angel)

RALPH: But I feel bad for the bunnies.(Fang)

BOB: The bunnies hate you, Ralph. They think you're dumb and ugly.(Angel)

RALPH: How do you know?(Fang)

BOB: They told me so.(Angel)

RALPH: Bunnies can't talk.(Fang)

BOB: No, but sometimes they spell out messages in their food, and they're mocking you behind your back!(Angel)

RALPH: You're lying again.(Fang)

BOB: Do you blame me?(Angel)

RALPH: It's really sad in a very unsatisfying kind of way to see you acting so pathetic. Maybe I should just  
>give this up.(Fang)<p>

BOB: Yes! That's an excellent idea. Except that the sad part isn't that I'm acting pathetic, it's that you're acting crazy.(Angel)

RALPH: Plus, my jaw hurts.(Fang)

BOB: My shoulder hurts from where you were biting it with your jaw(Angel)

.  
>RALPH: This isn't going to work, is it? Not without me putting in a lot more effort than it's worth.(Fang)<p>

BOB: Are you serious? The effort involved means more to you than my life?(Angel)

RALPH: Sorry, dude. It's your life, but it's my effort.(Fang)

BOB: Are you going to let go of me now?(Angel)

RALPH: Yeah… I guess so.(Fang)


	2. THE PERFECT CHERRY PIE

**Disclaimer: I don't own Maximum Ride or anything like that...or the script I'm doing today.**

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><p>Greetings! This is Nudge! This is real cool, I mean me and Gazzy are going to read you a script today called ALMOST PERFECT CHERRY PIE. I'm excited. Yesterday Fang and Angel got to read you a script. Now it's my turn! After this Max is gonna take my and Iggy to town to get food. I'm hungry right now because we had lunch like eight hours ago. Anyway I'm gonna be Katherine and Gazzy is gonna be Randy.<p>

KATHERINE: Lovely, isn't it?(Nudge)

RANDY: Yeah... what? I mean, yes, it's love... it's great... it's... it's, um...(Gazzy)

KATHERINE:You okay?(Nudge)

RANDY: No, no, I... I mean, yes. I'm fine… uh, huh, just fine.(Gazzy)

KATHERINE: Ah, the day is so peaceful. A perfect spring day-not too hot yet.(Nudge)

RANDY: Um, um, nope. Not too hot. Not yet... could be a bit warmer though.(Gazzy)

KATHERINE: No, I don't want it to be any warmer, it's perfect the way it is.(Nudge)

RANDY: Almost perfect... yeah... almost, not quite though...(Gazzy)

KATHERINE: The sky is such a pale shade of blue. Clear... blue... day.(Nudge)

RANDY:**_**_(looking up) _**_**It's nice, I s'pose. I like it when the sky's a deeper shade though, more of an azure...(Gazzy)

KATHERINE: And the air is so perfectly still... so peaceful.(Nudge)

RANDY: Breeze would be nice...(Gazzy)

KATHERINE: **_(**_slight giggle) _**_**Randy, what's wrong with you? You seem strange. Is your mind somewhere else?(Nudge)

RANDY: No, nothing's wrong... just, you know, just that... nothing's perfect, you know? Things can always be made better.(Gazzy)

KATHERINE: We've dated for eight months, and I've never noticed these pessimistic tendencies before. It's not a prettyside of you.(Nudge)

RANDY: I'm not a pessimist! I'm just trying to make a point, that's all. Things can always be better.(Gazzy)

KATHERINE: What - trying to make a point? We're not having a discussion here, just admiring the day. Just a peaceful day in the park. That's all.(Nudge)

RANDY: **_**_(feeling clumsy, foolish) _**_**I know. You're right, you're right. I'm being a... downer... I guess...(Gazzy)

KATHERINE: Randy, you're being... weird.(Nudge)

RANDY: Well, I... I just wanted to make a point.(Gazzy)

KATHERINE: Um, hum...(Nudge)

RANDY: That things can always be better.(Gazzy)

KATHERINE: I don't follow.(Nudge)

RANDY: Like, you know, you're goin' along and you think life is just great. Just a big bowl of ripe, red cherries, and you're eating the cherries, pullin' the fruit part right off the stem with your teeth, and you're thinkin' to yourself... you're thinkin' "THESE ARE THE BEST FREAKIN' CHERRIES I'VE EVER EATEN. THEY'RE... THEY'RE PERFECT!" But then you get this idea, see... you get this idea and you think...(Gazzy)

KATHERINE: Randy...(Nudge)

RANDY: You think, "these cherries are so good, so ripe, so delicious and... I bet they'd make one hellova cherry pie!" And so you take those cherries and you make them into a pie.(Gazzy)

KATHERINE: A pie?(Nudge)

RANDY: Bake 'em up real nice, see? Steaming, hot cherry pie. Hot outta the oven... um, um, um...(Gazzy)

KATHERINE: **_**_(very calmly) _**_**Don't take this the wrong way, but you're acting a little... crazy.(Nudge)

RANDY: **_**_(continues without noticing her) _**_**And you cut yourself a big ole' slice of hot and steamy cherry pie. A great big ole' hunk of it... a big slab of it... and you put a bite on your fork and... even before the fork hits your tongue, your mouth begins to water. And then the cherry pie hits your taste buds and it's like –WOW! THIS IS THE BEST CHERRY PIE I'VE EVER EATEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!(Gazzy)

KATHERINE: Does... insanity run in your family? These things can be genetic, you know. It's not necessarily your fault.(Nudge)

RANDY: Katherine, just listen to what I'm tryin' to tell to you...(Gazzy)

KATHERINE: They have medication these days. You can get help.(Nudge)

RANDY: Please, Katherine, I'm not crazy. I have something to say and it needs your full attention.(Gazzy)

KATHERINE: Okay, okay... I'm listening...(Nudge)

RANDY: Good. Now focus.(Gazzy)

KATHERINE: All right, I'm all ears.(Nudge)

RANDY: Okay. And so, that's the best cherry pie you've ever eaten!(Gazzy)

KATHERINE: Got it... best cherry pie I've ever eaten...(Nudge)

RANDY: And you think, geez, what would make this really incredibly perfect is...(Gazzy)

KATHERINE: Yes?... What?(Nudge)

RANDY:**_**_(pauses and holds his breath, trying to create suspense) _**_**Ice cream.(Gazzy)

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><p>Wow, now I'm hungry. Maybe I'll ask Max if we can get some Pie and some ice cream!<p> 


	3. BRONIES

**Disclaimer: I don't own Maximum Ride or anything like that...or the script I'm doing today that belongs to someone's mind...**

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><p>Hey! This is Max... I can't believe this, we were just running from some cops and then me, Iggy, and Total get to read a script for you today. So anyway Fang is gonna tell Iggy what to say. Because Iggy is blind. Yeah, I think you get the point so I'm gonna finish it off with saying I'll be Mari, Total will be Alex and Iggy with be RANDOM VOICE-OVER<p>

Bronies

Mari: Hey, have you seen the new episode of My Little Pony?(Max)

Alex: Why would I've? (Total)

Mari: *Looks shocked* Well, because you're a bronie!(Max)

Alex: I'm a what?(Total)

Mari: A bronie! You know, you're a teenage boy slash adult male, and you're a fan of My Little Pony!(Max)

Alex: BUT I DON'T WATCH MY LITTLE PONY! AND YOU CAN'T BE A BRONIE, YOU'RE A GIRL!(Total)

Mari: But I strongly support them, and watch every single episode, have a every bronie caption picture on my bedroom walls, and have a lot of My little Pony merchandise! OH! *Holds out fist* Brohoof!(Max)

Alex: What?(Total)

Mari: *Getting frustrated* Brohoof! It's like what you… *distastefully* normal people call a fist bump.(Max)

Alex: Okay … brohoof, I guess. *Bumps Mari's fist with his own*(Total)

Mari: HA! You are now an official bronie!(Max)

Alex: WHAT?(Total)

Mari: That's the official welcome handshake of the bronies! You are now a BFL, or "Bronie for Life", no exceptions.(Max)

Alex: *Meekly* No exceptions?(Total)

Mari: Yep! Now, let's watch the first five seasons of My Little Pony!(Max)

Alex: NOOOOOOOOOO!(Total)

Mari:*Drags him away* That's what you get for hanging out with, and talking to, a Bronie!(Max)

Random Voice-Over: This is why you should stay away from those infected with Bronitis, or disease of the Bronies. As proof, here is what Dan looked like after one season of My Little Pony. (Iggy)

Alex: *In Mari's basement on the computer, both are wearing My Little Pony T-shirts* Princess Celestia! I can't believe that Pinky Pie brought you back from the dead!(Total)

Mari: And you know what she used to bring her back?(Max)

Alex: Faith, trust, and pixie dust?(Total)

Mari: No, you idiot! Exceptance, happiness, and love!(Max)

Alex: Yeah, what you said. *Holds out fist* Brohoof? (Total)

Mari: *Fist bumps* Brohoof.(Max)

Random Voice-Over: Don't be a bro-(Iggy)

Mari and Alex: *Burst in* YOU SHALL ALL BE BRONIES! (Total and Max)

Random Voice-Over: Wait, no, do- AHHHHHHH!(Iggy)

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><p><strong>So I'll tell you this right now, I feel bad that I only have ONE review. If you are reading review I accept anonymous reviews. So ever if you don't want to just say HI please :D<strong>

**I'd along like to give a special thanks to:watchthesunset37 For being/doing:**

**1)the first person to review**

**2) Writing THIS play! BRONIES**

**3)Being REALLY AWSOME!**

**(PS. I spelt awesome wrong on purpose...)**


	4. Notes on Forum:

forum/The_Moment_to_Live_and_The_Moment_to_Die/108785/

My Maximum Ride Forum ^^ PLEASE go there. I beg you, we basically only have two currently active members (Not including me) So, yeah.

Thanks!

~MErpie


	5. Vampire?

Hey! This is Ella! Me my mom, and Ari will now read a script for you today!

**Vampire?**

Rachel: Yo, Jeffery! (Ella)  
>Jeffery: What, Rachel?(Ari)<br>Rachel: Wanna go outside for recess?(Ella)  
>Jeffery: No, thanks.(Ari)<br>Rachel: Why not?(Ella)  
>Jeffery: I'm going to the library.(Ari)<br>Rachel: But you do that every day!(Ella)  
>Jeffery: So does Casey, and I don't see you getting all pissy at her!(Ari)<br>Rachel: Jeffery, can you tell me something?(Ella)  
>Jeffery: *confused* uhhhh… Sure, what?(Ari)<br>Rachel: Are you a vampire?(Ella)  
>Jeffery: Wait, huh?(Ari)<br>Rachel: Well, you never wanna go outside!(Ella)  
>Jeffery: BECAUSE I'M NOT AN OUTDOORSY PERSON! WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT!(Ari)<br>Rachel: JUST ADMIT YOU'RE A VAMPIRE! YOU CAN TELL ME, I'M YOUR FRIEND!(Ella)  
>Jeffery: I'M NOT A *CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED* VAMPIRE! GET IT INTO YOUR HEAD!(Ari)<br>Sarah: Yeah, he's not a vampire!( )  
>Jeffery: *exasperated* Thank you! Finally someone with some common sense around here!(Ari)<br>Sarah: He's a FANGPIRE, duh!( )  
>Jeffery: Wait, huh?(Ari)<br>Sarah: Yeah, a two-headed one! *thinks for a second* Wait, no, never mind, she's a one-headed one. ( )  
>Jeffery: WHAT IN THE *CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED* IS A FANGPIRE?(Ari)<br>Sarah: It's a snake, of course!( )  
>Jeffery: *facepalm* I'M SURROUNDED BY IDIOTS! (Ari)<br>Sarah and Rachel: Thank you.( )  
>Jeffery: IT WASN'T A COMPLIMENT! URGH! *runs away*(Ari)<br>Sarah: He's so weird, right?( )  
>Rachel: Tell me about it!(Ella)<p>

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><p>Please go to my profile and join the Forum at the top.<p>

R&R

:3 love you guys!


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